5. Kate Winslet finally wins an Oscar; Hugh Jackman declares that the musical is back.

4. Conan moves to LA to help out his old pal Andy, who couldn’t find much work in LA.

3. Nadya “Octomon” Suleman proves that opportunity still exists when she gets offered $1 million, plus health and dental to star in a porn film. No word on whether the $1 million is part of the bailout that the porn industry is requesting.

2. Obama assures Americans that we will rebuild, recover and become stronger than ever.

1. Still Good News re-launches!